October flew by so fast I feel like I missed it all together! This time of year is truly one of my favorites...the cooler mornings, fall colors, and probably most of all: running season! It has also given way to a new season in my life; one that is difficult to describe. A "beautiful mess" might best sum it up. The mess is totally self-created - I am becoming increasingly aware how sinfully vain and prideful I've become and how little I've acknowledged God's control in my life. Over the years I have attempted, with little success, to "handle" life. Well, throwing a husband and child into the mix and my "handled" life has become so messy that I am sometimes so completely overwhelemed that I'm nearly impossible to live with. My failed attempts to deal with my internal conflicts and external responsiblities have such a toxic effect on the ones I care about most. Someone once told me that I, as wife and mother, have the power to set the tone for my household. And I think it's true. My bad attitude was negatively affecting all of us. My husband had the courage and love for me to call me and my attitude "out". I'm so thankful for his raw honesty. We, together, have prayed God back into His rightful place of control in our lives. It is taking a concious effort each day...to recognize escalating frustration and call for help from God, my husband, or a friend. I can't do this on my own...and thankfully I don't have to! I am learning a hard lesson in humility. I can not be perfect. God is going to make my mess beautiful....just wait and see! It is OK that my house is not as clean as it used to be. It is OK that my body is still fluffy. It is OK that I am still behind at work. It is OK that once again we're late. It is OK because God said so! I'm so thankful that I don't have to clean up this mess by myself!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5-6 NIV
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